Monday, January 14, 2013

The Snobbies! 2013 Golden Globes Edition

It's time again for one of my favorite (and yours too!) blog posts!  THE SNOBBIES!!!!  This time for the 2013 Golden Globe awards!  There were several noticable trends on the red carpet last night: Plunging necklines, goth-esque black, mermaid silhouettes, neutral tones, and red hues.  There were only a few dresses I totally loved, and way more that I totally hated...  Let's see what they are:

The Cougar Award Goes to...

Halle Berry

Can you say Raaawwwrrrr!!!! Halle, please don't hurt 'em! Now, I could understand if this dress was chic, then I could give her a pass for being her age and wearing this, but this dress isn't even cute!  Halle always looks great in Versace, and I will admit, her body is baging... But she just needs grow up and let go.  This dress is not gonna bring any of your husbands back, Boo Boo. 

 The Awkward Black Girl Award goes to...

Zosia Marnet

Girls cast member Zosia Mamet is wearing an AMAZING Tony Ward Couture gown that feautures unique leather panels.  Had this dress been on and styled by anyone else, and I mean ANYONE else, it probably would have gotten best dress from me.  I mean, this is a SEXY dress!  Could you at least put on a better bra? A red lip? Sat up straight?  Acted like you wanted to be there?  To me, Zosia just looks... Awkward.

The Shiraz Pizazz Award goes to...

Taylor Swift

Taylor, Taylor, Talyor!  Who would have known that sexing all those boys would give you all those curves! Her serial dating finally has a purpose other than new song material!  Taylor has finally aged like a fine wine in this backless Donna Karan Atelier mermaid dress.  She lost the girlish locks and opted for a more mature pulled back updo, and I loves it!  I'm not crazy about the neckline, though... But hey, I can't win them all!... Apparently neither can she... did you see that stank face she made when Adele beat her for best song?! Classic!

The Sallown Award goes to...

Jessica Chastain

Umm... Jessi-ker?  Where are you going with those Madea titties?  This dress by Calvin Klein is actually very pretty, but photographs horribly!!!  Though she is keeping up with the plunging neckline trend, she needs to go SALLOWN with her frumpy looking self!

The Trinidad James Award goes to...

Emily Blunt
Nigga Nigga Nigga!!!  There is gold all in this dress by Michael Kors!  Gold and lace are major trends right now, and this dress is their golden child.   Emily rocked a Mikey and I'm sweating! WHOO! Ok, I'mma stop, but I do love this dress!  Also, peep the purple she's got going on in her ears and on her bracelet. Nice!  She's got the Midas touch!

The Spongebob SquareDRESS award goes to...

Lena Dunham
This Zac Posen gown was obviously designed for a person with more of a distinct waistline than Lena's.  The gown itself is nice.  The color is french roast, which is one of the "it" colors for Fall/Winter 2012; but it's just not working for her.  The first faux pas is that she is a pear shape, meaining her hips are larger than her chest, and that is not a good fit for this particurlar dress.  If you look close enough at her torso, you can see the wires of her body shaper! How have you not heard of SPANX???  Her extremely pale skin is so blinding, you can't even tell that she has some nice cleve - action going on.  Perhaps if she would have separated her neck from the dress with some type of necklace, the whole look would have been more flattering.  She looks like a UPS box. 

The Willy Wonka Award goes to...
Alyssa Milano
Oompa Doompa Doopity Doo.  Your stylist must really freaking hate you.  Alyssa!  Show your stylist Who's The Boss!!! You're too pretty to look the way you do right now!  Sure you've gained a few pounds, but a good stylist knows how to work with curves.  Not throw a giant satin pillow case over your body!  And what are those turquoise earrings supposed to be matching?  Your shoes that we can't see?  The jeweled embellishment that emphasizes your lack o' six pack?  The clutch you grabbed on your way out the door right after you yelled "F*** It!"???  I'm done.

The Always Award goes to...

Anne Hathaway

You can always count on Anne to look great on the red carpet!  But that's not why I gave her the Always award... Is it just me, or does she look like an Always Maxi pad without the wings?  #IJS... But seriously, she beams in this two piece Chanel gown... Always!  And I know she cut her hair for a movie role, but it looks gorgeous on her!


The Dancing With the Stars Award goes to...
Julianne Hough
Julianne doesn't get this award because of her salsa skills on the show, she gets this award because she was kind enough to let the costume designers of the show design her Golden Globe gown! Way to keep it in the industry Jules! While everything I just said was a complete and total lie, this Monique Lhullier ball gown is a work of art.  It looks more like a wedding dress to me, but maybe she's getting ready for her walk down the aisle with her fiancee and new brunette, Ryan Seacrest.

Snobbable Mentions go to...
Amy Adams, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, and Eva Longoria
Amy is in Marchesa, Kate is Alexander McQueen, Jessica in Oscar de la Renta, and Eva is in a custom backless Pucci gown.

The Runner Up for the night goes to...

Jennifer Lopez!
If this ain't the sexiest table cloth I ever did see!!! Halle, this is what Versace DONE RIGHT looks like!  J-Lo is what... 45??? Body still on point, and her face hasn't aged a day! I love that she looks naked, but is completely and tastefully covered!  The block is hot, Jenni!  The block is hot!


The tangerine is on trend for the season, and I love the silhouette!  Mermaids were fishing all over the place, while ball gowns popped up here in there; but Catniss was playing no (hunger) games when she chose a flattering combination of the two popular silhouettes. Am I in love with the styling of this dress? No.  The metal belt is an empowering hit, but I would have liked her hair and make up a little different to complete this look.  The thing is, I wasn't really in love with the gowns on the red carpet this year.  Nothing made me shiver.  But this dress has the bodice reminscent of old Hollywood glamour paired with a full, sexy skirt with a modern edge.  I love everything about this dress!

So that's it Snobbies!  Who were your faves for the 2013 Golden Globes?  Let me know!  I love hearing from you!

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  1. You have done it again!!! I totally agree with the Anonbie award winner. I love Jennifer's dress. But I disagree with your opinion about Halle's dress. While it wasn't great I don't think ur was as bad as you portrayed it. You are correct on your opinions of the 2013 red carpet dresses... I wasn't impressed at all! Hopefully they will step their game up for the Oscars!

    Sn: I think Amy Pohler deserves an honorable mention for her reds dress while hosting the awards.

  2. @PrissyKrissyx3 Okay, okay, maybe the dress wasn't that bad. I mostly hated the fact that it had a print reminiscent of a shirt I bought from forever21 to match a pair of Guess bowling shoes over 8 years ago! Had it been a solid color, I would have given her a pass for constantly wearing cut outs on the red carpet.

    I thought Amy's dress was nice, but that's about all I thought about it, and I haven't thought about it since. Not even while I was writing this blog. I will say that she and Tina Fey were hilarious and looked their absolute best that night. Kudos to their style, hair, and makeup team!


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