Monday, January 13, 2014

The Snobby Awards: 2014 Golden Globes Editon

Every year, the Golden Globes kick off the red carpet season; setting the tone and the trends for starlets of award shows to come.   Before I begin this fashionable read, I would like to have an 'I told you so' moment (yes, I'm petty) for the color palette I presented in my New Year, New You, New DRESS blog:

Does the Golden Globes color palette seem a little (ahem) familiar?

Now that we're on the topic of color palette, the top three color trends of the night were black, off-white, and red.  And while we're talking trends, the night was all about trains, clean lines, and voluminous fabric.  Hair was sleek and pulled away from the face, accessories were almost non-existent, and make-up was simple and natural.

Now, lets get this awards show about award shows on the road.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you

The Snobbies:
2014 Golden Globe Edition

The Pineapple Under the Sea Award goes to...

Lena Dunham

You may remember her from the Snobbies 2013 Awards when she received the Spongebob SquareDRESS award in a Zac Posen gown...

Well she's posing in Posen again this year!  Is this an ugly dress?  No.  Is this a bad silhouette on her? Not completely.  She gets the Pineapple Under the Sea Award because the overall look is not put together well.  The hair leaves a lot to be desired.  Somebody get this Girl some highlights... some low lights... something!  And that necklace... What is that? You have a hit show on HBO, so I know you can afford some jewels.  Somebody could have at least loaned you some diced pineapples (canary yellow diamonds, per rapper Rick Ross)! And I know the vampire look is in, but a little day-walking would do this Girl some good.  I do love that she's showing off her curvy figure...  Much better than last year!

The Sheer Genius Award goes to...

Cate Blanchett

Everything is right about this Armani Prive gown.  The sleeves, the fabric, the neckline, the suggestive positioning of the lace on her lower abdomen and upper thighs...  Her hair is simple, but elegant.  Her jewels are minimal, but eye-catching.  The dress graces her slender frame to perfection.  Cate looks effortlessly amazing.  After all, isn't what that what the red carpet is all about?

The Oh Baby Award goes to...

Kerry Washington

Who better to help you show off your baby bump than Balenciaga?  Kerry looks Scandal-less in this neutral toned ensemble.  I love the interesting take on the modern peplum that slightly conceals her preggy belly.  Styist's note:  Details just below the bust are flattering to a round figure.  Notice how the broach and starting point of the peplum are just below the bust, drawing the eyes to the upper part of the body, rather than the bottom.

The Beach Whet Award goes to...

Gabby Sidibe

If you're not from Atlanta, you would read that as B!#&h What?! Hey, it was better than Beached Whale!  Listen, listen, listen... I have nothing against my Big Beautiful Women, but come on Gabby!  This dress is an American Horror Story! The silhouette of the dress is appropriate for her shape, but the fabric is unforgiving.  Designers Daniel Musto and Michael Costello (of Project Runway) should have known this fabric would accentuate every lump, bump, and dimple once the light hits it.  And that Granny applique... Beach Whet?!

The #Werk Award goes to...

Kate Beckinsale

Fish-tail has been served! And, Ma'am?!  You better #WERK!!!!  Kate Beckinsale has given me LIFE in this this amazingly sparkly Zuhair Murad gown.  The cut!  The fit! The detail! The shine!  #Yaaaaasssssssss!!!  Kudos on the deep color of the nail polish and the messy side bun.  Her look was definitely a contender for a Snobby.  Kate, YOU DID THAT!

The Similac Award goes to...

Paula Patton

Yes, Similac... Because that giant ruffle looks like a giant baby spit up all over Paula Patton's shoulder and all down her dress.  Sure her body is breath-taking in this Stephanie Roland Couture gown, but the gown itself just isn't pretty.  I also wish her shoes showed off more of her feet since the dress has so much coverage.  The earrings are amazing. Hair is appropriate.  The ring is... awkwardly there, but I love green, so no shade over here.  Nice try, Paula.  Just try harder next time.

The Golden Globe goes to...

Anna Gunn

She can get a Golden Globe on this award show, because this is the SNOBBIES!!!!  And this Donna Karan Altier gown is gorgeous!  The slight wave of fabric at the bust is just a ripple compared to the ocean of antique gold fabric bursting from the back.  The only thing I love about this look, however, is the dress.  Anna's blonde hair and neutral makeup makes this look a total wash-out!  I would love to see this dress on someone with darker hair, with a rouge lip, and a few more curves.

The Gone With the Wind Award goes to...

Joanna Newsom

Does Joanna think she is Gone With the Wind Fabulous in this dress?  If she does, she needs to twirl her behind all the way home and think again!  I couldn't find the name of the designer of this dress, but if I were them, I would want to remain anonymous too!  Contrary to most reviews, I actually don't completely hate this dress.  I'm a girl of whimsy!  Lose the trim at the hem, and this would be a pretty gown.  But her hair... I guess her hair stylist didn't get the memo that the '90's Prom' hair style is so... 90's PROM!!!  Pull that hair back, child!  It's giving your ruffles unwanted competition.  

The Bell of the Ball Award goes to...

Michelle Dockery

The bell silhouette of this dress was refreshing amongst the sea of mermaid silhouettes on the red carpet. I am loving the gold lame behind the eyelet fabric.  High-low hem lines were also seen at the awards show, but this was the only one done 100% right.  I love the combination of the color of this dress along with her dark hair, alabaster skin, and stained lips.  I would have loved for her to have had a simple and dainty necklace, perhaps a bracelet, and definitely some different shoes.  This was also a contender for a Snobby.

And while we're on the subject...

The Snobby Goes to...

Lupita Nyong'o

Nominated for her role in Twelve Years A Slave, Lupita is forever a star in this crimson Ralph Lauren caped gown.  I love everything about this dress: the color, the silhouette... and who doesn't love a cape?!  No one else could rock this hairstyle but her, and she rocks it oh-so-well! Her skin is as radiant as her smile.  One word to describe this look:  Flawless.  (She woke up like this!)  And no, those are not blood diamonds in her ear.  They're Fred Leighton jewels that add simplistic beauty to this red-hot ensemsble.  I'm excited about seeing more fashion and films from this Yale School of Drama grad.  You go, Lupita!

Well that's all from me Snobsters!  Did you have a red carpet favorite from the Golden Globes? I'd love to hear it!

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